Evanescence Means Eternity
by MercuryMoon
Summary: Life is so short, yet for the homunculi, it is everlasting. Memories made from the day they're reborn stay with them for the rest of their lives. Emotions remain fresh, especially that of betrayal and hatred. For them, evanescence means eternity.


Pretty much every Envy fan has her own idea of how he came into existence. This one's mine XD

Disclaimer: FMA and all its characters belong to its rightful owners.. but this plot is mine :P

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**Evanescence Means Eternity**

_Its limbs shake, convulsing as it twitches around. It bawls, opening its wide cavern of a mouth. The thing smokes in the damp air, creating a faint twirl of grey swirling into the night sky. Its flesh is dead, but it breathes, gasping through its strained lungs._

_A woman comes upon a thing and she is beautiful. Her long black hair is done up in a twist at the top of her head, and she is clothed in rich maroon cloth. Crouching down, she pokes the thing with a finger, and it wails. A smile lights her cerulean eyes and she hushes it, smoothing its pale hair back._

_"Quiet, my child," she whispers. "Mommy's here. Mommy won't abandon you..."_

**Chapter One**

He awoke, jerking away from the riveting nightmare. "Father!"

The child reached forward, grasping wildly for someone not there. His eyes focused, and he saw where he was.

Darkness, and a stillness that reminded him of death. There was a stench in the air, an effluvium that he could feel but not smell. "I'm alone.." he realized aloud. "Where is..?"

The door to his room banged open and light poured in. A woman entered, carrying a lit candle with her. Her dress, scarlet and rich in material, glowed in the faint light. Without being told, he suddenly found that he knew she was his caretaker. The woman stood before him in all her resplendent glory, and he covered his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, noticing his sudden panic.

As if still in his dream, he lowered his arms and touched his face, letting the coldness of his fingers wake him up. "I.." Someone he cared about had been pulling away from him, walking away from his outstretched hands. Surrounding him had been cages full of indescribable horrors, ones that caused his head to ache at the mere thought of them. He shook his head, confused. Slowly the remnants of the nightmare, the vivid images of blood and corpses, leaked away. He was free. "..Nothing.." the boy finally said.

The woman hesitated briefly, then strode purposefully toward him. Her fine black hair was tied into a loose bun that had a few unraveled strands down the side of her white face. "Did you have a nightmare? Are you hungry?" she asked, looking into his violet eyes with passionate blue ones. "I'll get you something to eat if you want."

The boy nodded lethargically. "All.. right."

She left the room and soon returned with a plateful of warm food. "Here. This will help," she said and handed him a spoon.

The boy took it and examined it. It was smooth and made of high quality silver. He didn't know how he knew that though. It just popped into his head. A sharp pang went through his head, and hot bile suddenly started to rise in his throat. He quickly swallowed it down however, and it didn't explode out of him in a burst of sickness. The feeling frightened him. What was happening to him?

The woman looked at him with concern. "Is something wrong with the food?"

The boy shook his head, and without a word, he began digging into the food. Raising the first spoonful to his mouth, he sniffed it, and then shoved it into himself. The meat slid down his throat easily, but when it reached his stomach, it was suddenly rejected. The boy coughed and threw up the food. It landed with an ugly red splat next to the woman's feet. The putrid stench began to fill the room. He shrank back in fear. Now he was going to get it. Now she was going to grow angry and slap him, maybe even kick him out of the house.

However, she only smiled. "It's all right," she assured him. "I'll wipe the floor later." The woman quickly slipped her slender hand into the pocket of her maroon dress. "Here, I should not have given you that. You've just recovered; you should eat this to regain your strength. It'll help you forget." She offered him a handful of blood-red clumps. "Eat this."

The boy took it listlessly. "What is it?"

She only smiled. "It's good for you, that's all you need to know."

The strange food glinted in front of him, catching the light and flashing strange auras onto the ceiling. Looking closer at them, they looked almost like stones, and the boy smiled. "Pretty.." he said and laughed as he began to twirl them in his hands. "They're so pretty."

The woman reached over and ruffled his thick ochre hair. A melancholic smile was on her face as she spoke. "Yes, I know they are." She paused as her voice caught with emotion. "You look so much like my son," she murmured. "He would have been your age if he didn't die."

He stopped playing with the stones to stare at the woman. "Die?"

"Mercury poison.." she said softly. "He accidentally ingested it and the physician couldn't save him."

Pity filled him. This poor woman had lost her son! Emotion surged through the boy and he slapped his chest, causing the stones to fall from his hand and clank on the floor. "I'll take his place!" he promised. "I'm not your son, but I can still replace him for you!"

He expected her to protest, but she didn't. "Eat up," was all she said. "Eat and be strong." She handed him more of the peculiar stones.

"Thank you," the boy whispered as he took them.

"Aren't you going to eat it?" the woman asked.

He stared. Yes, he was hungry, but even though the stones were so beautiful, it was a strange kind of beauty. The stones seemed to be pulsing and deep down, it frightened him. If he ate it, without doubt something would happen to him.

"It'll help you recover," the woman urged him.

"Yeah." He gave her a little smile and his tongue snuck out as he licked it carefully. "It's sweet," he said, surprised. He stuck the whole thing in his mouth and crunched down. The residue of the stone trickled down his chin onto the floor. The wondrous taste of the stone startled him and he wanted more of the magic food. "More!" he gasped. "Give me more!"

"Slowly, my child, eat slowly," she admonished him as she handed him more of the stones. "I don't want you to accidentally choke."

He seized the stones and guzzled them down. Never before did he remember eating something so addicting. It was as if he couldn't stop. Even after his belly was full, he continued consuming the stone. Instead of stopping him, his caretaker merely gave him more. In his rush to eat, he fell from the bed. However, he ignored it. Who cared about falling when there was so much going on inside his mouth? The boy's blond hair fell over his face and became stained with the red juice, so intent was he on eating. As he ate, the pupils of his cyan eyes began changing. The roundness narrowed and twisted, transforming into slits. When the remains of the stones finally dripped from his hands, a different aura surrounded him. He was no longer innocent.

The boy looked at his hands as if he didn't recognize them. He remained crouched, but he looked up at the woman. "Who am I?" he asked. "Who _am _I?" Even his voice, once a medium tenor, had turned more drawling and he now had a slight accent. Strength was flowing through him even as he spoke, and it was a strange feeling. He felt satiated.

She smiled. "Does it matter?"

He pushed himself up and teetered for a moment as he struggled to retain his balance. "Answer me," he demanded. "Why am I still alive?"

"Why do you think you are?"

He didn't have an answer to that. Was that a question that ever could be answered? Finally he raised his face so he was eye-to-eye to the woman. Her violet eyes met his challenging gaze without qualm. "If you won't answer who I am, then will you tell me who you are?" he asked bitterly. "After all, you're my hostess, aren't you? I can't go around calling you 'woman.'"

The woman laughed. "You're an endearing little boy, aren't you? Of course I'll tell you who I am. One day."

"That means you don't mind me calling you 'woman' then?"

She raised an eyebrow and smiled strangely. "I am one, right? So why not?"

Again he had no response to something she said. "All right then, woman.." he said. "What was that you fed me? Why do I feel so different?"

She shrugged. "Just something my husband and I made together a long time ago. Why?"

He snorted. "Good answer."

There was silence between them, and then she reached forward and touched his shoulder. "I know this is a lot to take in all at once, so please rest. Sleep."

The boy said nothing. What could he say anyway? Refuse? Perhaps the woman was right. All this knowledge was rushing into his head and giving him a headache. Perhaps if he slept, it would all end. Perhaps if he slept, the answers to who he really was would be answered.

He returned to his bed and lay down. The woman came over and smoothed his hair. "Johann," he heard her whisper before he nodded off. "I'm so glad you're back to me."


End file.
